dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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