ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
