That's intense
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
