My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
