I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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