dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
