im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
