Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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