I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
