Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
