You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
