Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
