youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
