Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
is it fun? or sober?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
