she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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