I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
