So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
