You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
