Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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