Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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