All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
