I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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