i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well I just put wine in my tea
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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