So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
