"it" just moved
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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