You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
