I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
