There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
