i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
