I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
