They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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