We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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