My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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