Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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