3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
