saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
