Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
