if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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