i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
