I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
