dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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