I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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