That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
