then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
