Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
