i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
