Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
