Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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