All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
