The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
