went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
