i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
