I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Enjoy the penises
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
