so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
