I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
